Hi Morgan, here are my thoughts (I'm the same rosehips from Twitter): It wasn't immediately obvious to me that the phrase at the top of the back cover connected to the phrase on the front cover. I think this may be because the phrase on the front cover was small, and I didn't read it at first. Perhaps make that font slightly larger? "It was a thought Joanne had resisted from the beginning." The beginning of this sentence hangs me up because I keep wanting to read "It was thought." Also, it seems a shame to start off with a "to be" verb. How about: "Joanne resisted the thought from the beginning." "...she had fought against him at every turn" could be tightened by deleting the "had" "Now, as the weeks turned to months, and she began to suspect his boasting about being a vampire was true... she doubted she could ever escape him." This seems a bit wordy. It's probably a matter of taste. I'd rephrase it to something like: "Weeks turned to months. Could his boasting about being a vampire be true? If so, she could never escape him." Or you know, something better, that you write, but trimmed. "Dreyfuss has everything: power, money, and no conscience. Jo only has her will, and the drive to be free. Can she keep fighting, or will he win?" You switch to present tense, I suspect, to show that the previous lines were backstory and these lines describe the now of the novel. If so, I suggest you start with them. In fact, how important is the backstory to selling the book? Might you find something from the immediate story that would work as well, or better? "a compelling and unique vampire mythology for adults." - I don't think this line would have bothered me before I read that you want to using adjectives to describe your novel in a query letter. I realize this isn't actually a query letter, but in a way it is, right? Still, I see what you're doing, in that you're defining the niche of your novel--yes, it's a vampire book, no, it's not Twilight. So I'm not sure how to advise you here. Except maybe there's a way to show that this novel is an adult vampire story in the description above--of the immediate story. Just a thought. I hope that's helpful, and if not, toss it out!
There is no back story being hinted at. The blurb was done from two different sources, and matched at 4am this morning. That's why there is a join. :-)
I have to find some way, to signal it is very adult content. And it's a bugger.
I'll work on your comments, when I've had some sleep. Thanks.
I say leave the blank spot. I'm used to the bio being inside the back cover. The blank space didn't immediately catch my eye, so I don't think it distracts.
I love the layout of the cover; everything about it.
Yes, I think the layout is great, and the team did a great job. But I think there are flaws in the blurb 'tho. It changes tense, and doesn't quite flow. I'm trying to nail it..... *gnash*
Very very hard. You can see why it's some people's full time job, just to write blurb...
I'd say leave the space blank.
ReplyDeleteIt is a very nice cover, and makes me want to read the book.
Well, that says it all. :-) Thank you!
ReplyDeleteGreat design/layout! I assume the blank white space if for the ISBN info so prob best to leave it that way.
ReplyDeleteThank you - and yes, the white space is for the ISBN bar. :-)
ReplyDeleteHi Morgan, here are my thoughts (I'm the same rosehips from Twitter):
ReplyDeleteIt wasn't immediately obvious to me that the phrase at the top of the back cover connected to the phrase on the front cover. I think this may be because the phrase on the front cover was small, and I didn't read it at first. Perhaps make that font slightly larger?
"It was a thought Joanne had resisted from the beginning." The beginning of this sentence hangs me up because I keep wanting to read "It was thought." Also, it seems a shame to start off with a "to be" verb. How about: "Joanne resisted the thought from the beginning."
"...she had fought against him at every turn" could be tightened by deleting the "had"
"Now, as the weeks turned to months, and she began to suspect his boasting about being a vampire was true... she doubted she could ever escape him." This seems a bit wordy. It's probably a matter of taste. I'd rephrase it to something like: "Weeks turned to months. Could his boasting about being a vampire be true? If so, she could never escape him." Or you know, something better, that you write, but trimmed.
"Dreyfuss has everything: power, money, and no conscience. Jo only has her will, and the drive to be free. Can she keep fighting, or will he win?"
You switch to present tense, I suspect, to show that the previous lines were backstory and these lines describe the now of the novel. If so, I suggest you start with them. In fact, how important is the backstory to selling the book? Might you find something from the immediate story that would work as well, or better?
"a compelling and unique vampire mythology for adults." - I don't think this line would have bothered me before I read that you want to using adjectives to describe your novel in a query letter. I realize this isn't actually a query letter, but in a way it is, right? Still, I see what you're doing, in that you're defining the niche of your novel--yes, it's a vampire book, no, it's not Twilight. So I'm not sure how to advise you here. Except maybe there's a way to show that this novel is an adult vampire story in the description above--of the immediate story. Just a thought.
I hope that's helpful, and if not, toss it out!
There is no back story being hinted at. The blurb was done from two different sources, and matched at 4am this morning. That's why there is a join. :-)
ReplyDeleteI have to find some way, to signal it is very adult content. And it's a bugger.
I'll work on your comments, when I've had some sleep. Thanks.
I say leave the blank spot. I'm used to the bio being inside the back cover. The blank space didn't immediately catch my eye, so I don't think it distracts.
ReplyDeleteI love the layout of the cover; everything about it.
Yes, I think the layout is great, and the team did a great job. But I think there are flaws in the blurb 'tho. It changes tense, and doesn't quite flow. I'm trying to nail it..... *gnash*
ReplyDeleteVery very hard. You can see why it's some people's full time job, just to write blurb...
Let me know if you want me to give it another read; I'm happy to help. You can email me at sophia hyphen martin at hotmail dot com.
ReplyDelete